Today I was bullied. Random observation on college students.......

So, I am in this class, where we got to teach in groups, lessons we were assigned. The first time people were teaching, I was just messing around being like a little kid I work with for my teacher education. Over the weekend I was going though all syllabuses ( to petition a class), and I found one from one of my favorite classes. Education phycology. I took this same class basically twice ( because ISU wouldn't accept my USU class), and both times I loved it. One of the aspects I loved of it was how to handle the different characters in a classroom.  Overall we were suppose to learn why students do the things they do. You will always have a variety of characters in a classroom. In this class we also did observations in a classroom where we picked one student, and watched them in the classroom/how they interacted with peers.

ANYWAYS, in this class where we are teaching, I decided to become that kid. Lets call her Emily. She was pretty much like the student I was already trying to be like. Emily was really a nice girl. She was a little too competitive, she wasn't really quiet, and she was smart! However, while watching Emily I saw how she was constantly being left out, being told on, and in one word: bullied. She would try not to show it, but after some time I could see it. She would get quiet, and not participate. OR she would get louder, fight back, and try to act like it did't hurt.

Now, keep in mind that everyone I am with are adults. We are all going into education. While I did these things, guess what happened? Exactly what happened to Emily. I was kinda really surprised. There were "students" who sought to pick me out, tease me, some just laughed, and some didn't care one way or another. While one girl was saying something mean, I said, " oh ya, well your retarded!"

Should that word ever be said in a classroom? No! Should it ever be used to mock or make fun of? Absolutely not. I just remember Emily saying it when she got overwhelmed. After I said it, I even felt bad. It really isn't a work that should be used out of context. When Emily said it, the other girl turned her into the teacher, while the rest of the group backed her up to make sure Emily got in big trouble. Should Emily get in trouble? Yes, it was uncalled for. However she was backed into a corner, and she needed an escape. Her escape just wasn't an appropriate one. During this time my professor was coming around. I told him I was being bullied, and to a response, the rest of the group was telling him how obnoxious, stupid, and loud I was being. They wanted to get me in trouble. I didn't have anyone to back me up, I didn't have any friends, and I didn't fit in. A girl began saying it was a good thing this one professor didn't hear me say that word. I had a couple thoughts. 1. So are you going to tattle on me? 2. If you feel the same way, why did't you say something? I don't allow that word, and I have said," oh please don't use that word..." numerous times! So, I was a little surprised that in a group that I am guessing is mostly SPED majors, no one said anything.

Im sure the girls are nice. I really don't know any of them well. It was still surprising though. Apparently its okay to be rude if you are acting like a child? I mean, no one is perfect. It was just eye opening for sure.

All the sudden, I felt bad. I was pretending to be someone else, but yet, it hurt me. We sat down in a circle and they didn't let me in. Then a girl on the other side invited me to sit by her. I believe she was probably that kind of child too, keeping the peace. I sat down and began thinking about poor Emily. She probably felt this, if not more, every day! How awful that must be to experience daily. She acted the way she did as a response to others actions. One on one, Emily was a hoot! I think she desperately wanted friends, but just didn't "fit in".

So, what is this about? I saw how when adults revert back into children, bullying become okay. Then I realized, they don't have to revert. Bullying is in all ages. I thought of the kid in my math class who no one likes because he is loud, and pretty obnoxious. Was he Emily too? Was I being one of the other students who were slowly backing him into a corner? I saw him in the library after all my classes, and with this on my mind I went up to him. I first apologized for laughing at the question he had that morning. It wasn't right. Even if the teacher just explained it, he didn't understand the question, and that was ok. He looked at me like some kind of freak. Then I sat down and told him what I had just experienced. His eyes started to water up. He told me that was pretty accurate. He remembers feeling that way in second grade, and that feeling never left. He said he knows he is a little too much, but he is still trying to figure out how to be "accepted".

Well.... I am a horrible person. Without realizing it, I was being a bully. So what if everyone else laughed at him. It wasn't right, he was just asking a question. 

I remember having some bullies at school growing up. I think I had so many friends that I did't really care/ I had people to back me up. I was bullied at church. I knew then, and now its just because they were jealous, and angry in their own lives. Some years they teamed up against me, but I just hung out with the younger girls anyways! Plus, I promised myself that I wouldn't let someone else go though what I did. So, I tried to take care of them. I had one bad bully in HS. She was a senior, and she just had it out for me. I remember we were in drama when a girl said," that poor girl from the other HS really needed a bra! Watching her jump was making me hurt!" This bully senior girl didn't hear and said,"what?" So I repeated what was said. I even remember saying<" _____ said it, not me. You asked what she said!"..... Well from that moment on, to the end of the year I was a perverted, freak, nasty, gross person. I would hear her talking about me, and she would say it to my face. If I tried to explain that it wasn't even what I said, my words were turned around. I found myself feeling like I was those things. I didn't want to go to that class, and I avoided her at all cost. I cried. I just didn't understand why I was being made out to be a person I wasn't. I think it was over a boy, who I didn't like, but she did. He was good friends with me. I think it was about him because she told me,"stay away from him you are just nasty". I still remember those words, so it must still be alive in me, and I re-visited those emotions today while pretending to be Emily. I forgot how that felt. Deep inside me I realized that I never wanted to be the reason anyone felt that, and I needed to become better.

Basically, we all have times where we may be a bully, and not even notice it. There are reasons people act the way they do. The effects of bullying are life long. I hope we can try to be a little better each day. Become a friend to someone who may feel left out. When that girl let me into the circle, it felt good. Will we let people into our circles?

This list petty much sums up Emily. Turns out when you are bullied you exhibit qualities that may cause you a life long effect of bulling, and loss of self worth.

As adults do we just stand by and watch anyone regardless of age, sex, intelligence, or race bully another?

I would like to think I do. There have been multiple times where I have stopped some act of bullying, and spoken out no matter how awkward it was. Im just a bold person like that, and I don't like bullies. Yet in a group environment I laughed at a fellow student. Was I trying to make him feel dumb? No, not intentionally, but thats what it did. The video posted below really sheds light on bullying, and how to be the bigger/better person.

I felt strongly to share this, and offer hope to those who are on either side of this subject of bullying. Even when you pick yourself up, and "get over it" the effects are still there. The Savior, Jesus Christ is accepting of everyone, and he died for every one because they have worth. You have worth. The only person who want you to feel unaccepted, lost, less than others, and alone is Satan himself. Why would we want to help him out? Lets be the change that we want to see. I believe that as we try to become better each day, changes will occur, and a light will come from us that can overtake any darkness.

GO. DO. BECOME