I have found myself thinking about how I named the blog " Our New Forever" when I had NO idea that our life would be much different than anticipated.
The last couple weeks I have been really sick. Turns out it was morning sickness! By the time I found out I was even pregnant, it had ended. I wasn't sad at all. I never would have known I was pregnant. It's also part of our reality. The odds of Sean and I having a viable pregnancy naturally with a healthy and chromosomaly sound fetus is less than 1%. While I explained to my friend that I wasn't sad- at all, she explained how I should still frustrated. It's true. I was SO sick, and in pain. Made me wonder how long we would have to climb the dumb mountain until we could bring home a baby of our own.
The last couple weeks I have been really sick. Turns out it was morning sickness! By the time I found out I was even pregnant, it had ended. I wasn't sad at all. I never would have known I was pregnant. It's also part of our reality. The odds of Sean and I having a viable pregnancy naturally with a healthy and chromosomaly sound fetus is less than 1%. While I explained to my friend that I wasn't sad- at all, she explained how I should still frustrated. It's true. I was SO sick, and in pain. Made me wonder how long we would have to climb the dumb mountain until we could bring home a baby of our own.
This summer Sean and I had a wedding in Washington, and we decided to spend some extra time in the National Parks. We found ourselves in Mount Rainer National Park, and decided to do some hiking. We couldn’t find ANY parking. So, I sent Sean into the visitors center to find the perfect hike, and I would find some parking. Once I found parking, Sean came to me excited about the hike he selected. It was low in miles, and had an amazing view. Well, what he didn’t know is the hike was steep and uphill the whole time! Within 300 yards we realized our mistake, but we kept going. I was so out of shape. We both were. I felt like dying. Many people would walk 50-100 yards step off to the side to catch heir breath, yet others could just climb through the pain.
People often refer to trials as climbing a mountain.
I used that analogy for over a year, and then it became obsolete.
Why? Because I didn’t feel like I was climbing. I wasn’t
going anywhere.
My sister told me how sometimes we dig holes in mountains. I realized that I was tired. I didn’t want to go DOWN the mountain, but I didn’t have the strength to go up the mountain. I felt pretty pathetic. So many people around me had “bigger” trials, and they were climbing that mountain just fine. Yet, here I am, sitting in my hole.
My sister told me how sometimes we dig holes in mountains. I realized that I was tired. I didn’t want to go DOWN the mountain, but I didn’t have the strength to go up the mountain. I felt pretty pathetic. So many people around me had “bigger” trials, and they were climbing that mountain just fine. Yet, here I am, sitting in my hole.
The hike never let up. The sun was blistering, we didn’t
have much water left, my body wanted to give up, I was emotionally drained, and
all I wanted to do is see the pretty view. Why did it have to be so hard?
Well, Sean was nice to me. He sat with me, and coached me up the trail. He does a good job of sitting in the hole with me.
Going back to the car wasn't an option. Looking behind me wasn't either. This was my view.
Well, Sean was nice to me. He sat with me, and coached me up the trail. He does a good job of sitting in the hole with me.
Going back to the car wasn't an option. Looking behind me wasn't either. This was my view.
The view of Sean holding my hand, and leading me up the trail. We switch off who is dragging who up that mountain, but this view was beautiful to me. It gives me a kind of unique hope and support.
Don't let the tone of this blog fool you. I totally complained the whole time. I was angry at Sean for picking that trail. I had to step off the trail often to even catch my breath.
I complain in this life too. I get angry. But, there he is. Strong when I need him to be strong.
I complain in this life too. I get angry. But, there he is. Strong when I need him to be strong.
The truth is, the hiking part was awful, but the view.... it was BEAUTIFUL!
What I didn't see was the beauty that was all around me while I was trying to get to the top. I realized I kinda ruined the journey for myself. So, on the way down, I had a better attitude. Even though I felt my tibia was going to go straight through my femur into my hip! It was s steep trail
I guess the moral of the story is to try to find joy in the journey. Even in the hole you created for yourself. When you feel like it's too hard, look at what you already have. Don't forget the blessings that are around you.
All the sudden I didn't care about how hard the hike was. I was just ecstatic to be at the top, and with Sean. The air seemed sweeter, the breeze was cooling, and there was some shade.
What I didn't see was the beauty that was all around me while I was trying to get to the top. I realized I kinda ruined the journey for myself. So, on the way down, I had a better attitude. Even though I felt my tibia was going to go straight through my femur into my hip! It was s steep trail
I guess the moral of the story is to try to find joy in the journey. Even in the hole you created for yourself. When you feel like it's too hard, look at what you already have. Don't forget the blessings that are around you.
Also, there was another trail we could connect to once we got to the top. The mountains keep coming in life. So when you get to the top of one mountain, make sure you enjoy it!
