S&L: Why I love my husband the way I do....

Throughout the last 2 years since we have been together, and  with our trials, I get a lot of comments or questions about my marriage and relationship with Sean. Either they are," I had no idea you guys had any struggles", to, "I knew something was wrong you post about Sean way to much." Ha. What? My favorite was someone saying," people who post about their spouse all the time just screams that they are in an unhealthy relationship." Yes, thank you. You haven't ever had a healthy relationship in your life. I should totally listen to you..... not. Ha. Then I get others seeking help, because they love being around us, and want their marriage to be like that. The truth is, it probably wont happen, because your not us. Truth is everyone has trials, struggles, and everyone sees love differently.

Since when is posting appreciation for your spouse a bad thing? I do it online and in real life. "I love you" is something we say to each other multiple time. I never want Sean to wonder what I feel for him. I am fully aware what works for us in our relationship would not work in another. Maybe that's why it's so hard for people to wrap their head around why we do what we do. Maybe the way we can express love for each other, can make others that don't express love the way we do, feel inadequate. In response to this I would like to say that you have control over what you bring to your marriage. I don't want people to feel like they can't be happy in their marriage. I don't want people to think that the first year is the hardest. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Spend more time with each other. Outlaw phones in the bedroom. Go out of your way to do something that makes THEM feel loved. You can make your marriage the best it can be. It takes two, both of you, it takes two.


Let me take you back and explain a couple things.

Sean and I both served a mission in the Tennessee Knoxville Mission for our church. It's where we met (I still can't believe I married Elder Crowell. He was so weird!), and its where we both individually learned a lot about ourselves. On the mission I learned about the 5 languages. We both learned our love languages, and knowing those things helped us with the people we served with. A LOT. What are love languages? (Click here to take the test to find our your languages of love). Simply you find out what ways you give love, and ways you receive love. People give and receive love though physical touch, quality time, service, words of affirmation, or gifts (the thoughts behind the gift, meaningful, ect...). People have 2 main languages they speak. Knowing these can help you know how your spouse gives and receives love. What are ours?

Sean
1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Gifts
5. Service

Lizzy
1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Gifts
5. Service

Obviously we are off to a good start! I remember someone laughed that we both had service listed last on our list. Honestly, its because it's expected-ha! We serve each other through the other love languages, and well... if Sean didn't do the dishes we couldn't spend time together. I know that waking up early in the morning to have a monumental breakfast on the table for Sean when he wakes up wouldn't make him feel loved. Im sure he would appreciate it, but it's not what he wants/needs. However, waking up to make breakfast so I can sit and talk to him in the morning IS special to him. That is something he needs/wants.
So why do I post on social media how great Sean is and everything I love about him?

Well, because I do. I genuinely adore him. Sure, he can really make me upset. He does dumb things. Most of our arguments have to do with the fact that Sean is younger than me and has to learn life lessons I expect him to already know. We fight. We yell. I have stormed out of the house to get air. He has stormed out of the house to get air. We were raised totally different and came into a marriage with different views on finances, work, schooling, and roles in the home. But... we worked through it. We continue to work through it, and I adore everything about Sean Wayne Crowell. I really do.

I love how when I get upset, he gets quiet, so he can listen.
I love how we fall asleep holding hands.
I love how he wakes me up to kiss me good-bye.
I love how when I'm irrational and stressed he calms me down.
I love how he strives to become his potential.
I love how he wants me to reach my goals, and is my #1 fan in my business.
I love how he blends in with my family.
I love the uncle he is, and that the kiddos love him too.
I love how he is always scratching my back ( even if he does it to get me to shut up)
I love how in the mornings he holds me, arranges the blankets on me, and kisses me before he leaves. I love how he always tries to sneak pizza into a meal option.
I love how he says thank you.
I love how he treats everyone with kindness and understanding.
I love how he is everything I lack.
I love how he puts God first.
I love how positive he is.
I love how he smiles before he kisses me.
I love how he texts me though out the day.
I love how he respects me.
I love a lot of things, and I don't think you want to read every single one. However what I have found is I just really love Sean. I like him. I adore him. He is part of who I am. I want him to feel that love.

We are busy college students trying to keep a business afloat, trying to save money to start a family, dealing with the emotional burden of infertility, and honestly we don't see each other as much as we would like. As a result we work hard so when we are home we can spend that time together. We serve each other so we can spend less time cleaning and more time cuddling and talking. I post about Sean because when I cant fulfill physical touch and quality time, I can give him words of affirmation that he is appreciated, and he is loved. I want to be around him- always. For us that works, for us that's healthy. I'm going to post about it. Its more important to me that stupid memes.

Yea, I'm clingy. He is clingy. The thing is, that works for us. I used to hate people when they always talked in "we" instead of "I". However, what I realized within my marriage to Sean is that I have total freedom for me to be Lizzy, yet I never want to use "I" statements. I like "we" statements. I like being with Sean....ha!

Im sure there are people who try to create a life on social media that they don't have at home. They are usually the same people buying all the expensive things to make it look like they have money. They are building upon a false foundation trying to feel complete happiness. Sometimes there is one partner that is giving everything to make a marriage work, but the other won't put forth the effort ( this one always hurts my heart). Our marriage is nowhere near perfect. But, we try. We try every day. We love each other. We express it. It keeps us going when life bogs us down. I NEED Sean. Life would be so dull and harsh without him. I remember when there was that challenge on FB where you posted about how much you loved your spouse for ten days or something like that. Of course people had to start posting blogs about why the challenge was dumb. Critics are everywhere. Why are people more concerned about what others think than what is happening in their own relationship. When there is a good side, there is also an ugly side. I am not a believer that its appropriate to show the ugly side. If we look for the bad in people that all we see, if we focus on the good we will be happier!

We have posted blogs and status in the past about the hardships of infertility. Infertility can make a couple feel so isolated, I wanted others to know they were not alone. Did I get comments about how that was wrong too? Yes. Ha. Who cares!

Learn what your languages are, and the others too! When you know how to speak someones love language they will feel loved!