We waited forever for our results. Somehow express lab is good at making everything take longer. However we finally got all the test back.
THE RESULTS WERE:
Lizzy: You have a healthy uterus, better than average egg supply, HSG test showed that nothing is blocked, no cysts on ovaries... Blood tests came back great! Thyroid and hormone levels are in the average range. You are an excellent candidate for IVF.
Sean: Your blood tests came back great! Everything is in the average range. Your scrotal ultrasound came back normal. No problems there.
This is great news! Right?
I don't feel so great! Sometimes its easier when you know the problem so you can try to fix it. So we were hoping that Sean's next SA was better. We waited a week to set up an appointment with the doctor and the results are....
Not much has changed.
It felt like someone punched me in the gut. My heart broke. As I looked at my dear sweetheart I could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. Because there is nothing we can "fix". No surgeries, injections...zip. Doctor said its just his body. We can keep trying to help it with supplements and lifestyle changes, but thats just about it. Therefore, here are the percentages we were given.
Natural conception: 3-4%
IUI: 5-6%
IVF: 50-60%
Obviously there is a big gap between IUI and IVF in success predictions and in cost. IUI is around $300-400 while one round of IVF is around 11-15k ( depending on several factors).
Oddly this quote from one of my favorite books came to mind. Its something I used to have printed and up in my locker.
This is reality. We are "that couple". Our lives are not going to be what we thought, and thats okay. So we have to get creative in bringing children into this world. That isn't going to change the fact that Sean is my most favorite person in the world. That doesn't change the fact that I know God has a plan. In the same way it doesn't make the hurt go away. It doesn't mean I feel a little betrayed at times. I sometimes get angry when I work with some of my beautiful students who, because of their birth mother and drugs, have physical and mental disabilities. Why can they have babies?
The one thing that doesn't change is the fact I would rather be married to Sean and have no children, than be married to someone else and have a large family. He is part of my soul. I cannot image my life without him. Today, after the phone call, I held my sweetheart as he cried in my arms. I didn't know I could feel so much hurt for someone else. I feel it, physically. I hurt for him.
Who knew this would be so tough. Life.
I do know what I do have. I have support. I have a testimony of my Savior, his atoning sacrifice, and his unwavering love. I have my Sean.
I really am lucky. I need to be thankful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't. Because, when I look around I am blessed beyond measure.
