Being in the world of infertility has definitely opened my eyes to how....
1. Ignorant people are about the whole reproductive system in general
2. People assume you're just not doing it "right"
3. Everyone has sex tips for you
4. Everyone still talks to you like its female infertility even after you tell them its male infertility
Honestly, I am 100% FINE talking about it, answering questions, ect. I cannot stand some comments though. I understand people may just not know what to say, so hopefully this will help you.
SO, to all you good hearted people, I will give you a list of what not to say! Followed with what goes though my head as its being said...minus the swear words haha. You have to read it with a sarcastic tone 😏. It's funny what people say to you. You can either laugh or cry, and I choose to laugh!
( these are real comments!)
1. "I KNOW God will give you a baby"
- Are you someone who can receive revelation for me? You don't speak for God, so don't. Don't promise something that you can't promise.
2. "Maybe pray more. I have a cousin that......"
- Are you for real? Shut up!
3. "It will happen one day"
- Oh really? Crazy!
4."Never say never!"
- I never said never in the first place.....
5. "Maybe God has a different plan"
- I hope that plan doesn't involve you still talking
6."Really thats weird! I got pregnant right away!"
7."You sure its not you?"
-Uhhh... yep! Yep! We spent thousands figuring it out!
8."Have you tried......(all the things you find on google)..."
-Yes. Please stop trying to "fix" it. ( Now, I DO find it helpful when people say," ___ helped my brother ect.."
9. "Have you thought about adoption?"
10."Maybe your not trying hard enough."
- I'll cut you
11."Are you sure your doing it right?"
-Oh my goodness, I don't know!!!! Maybe you can show me?
12. "When will you stop trying? You are 25 right? You are getting older."
13. "It will happen when you quit trying"
-Yea it would be nice if it did. Unfortunately I kinda really have to track everything.
14."Maybe being a parent isn't something God wants for you in this life?"
-Maybe God just created you to be a total moron. Shut up, Satan.
15. Someone pregnant or with kids,"Promise me, you don't want this!"
-PRETTY FREAKING SURE WE DO! Thanks though!
16."Do you think you will stay married?"
-WHO THE FEAK ARE YOU?! YA LINT LICKER!
17."In a way you are lucky. My husband can just look at me and I get pregnant!"
- Well he is also a complete ass, so ya.... theres that.
18."At least you are having fun trying!"
- Fun isn't the word I would use to describe what it feels like to try every month for over 18 months....
19."I totally know what you are going through. It took us 6 months to get pregnant."
-Apples and oranges ( the exact same way I think about people who have tried for 5+ years! I don't know what they are going though. Apples and oranges people!)
20."Think of all the money you will save!"
- REALLY? You know it will cost THOUSANDSSSSSSS to have a fertilized egg, right?
21."You just need to relax"
-You just need to shut up, and go away.
22. " Infertility is just natures way of saying your not suppose to be together"
-If it wasn't for modern medicine, darwinism would be at its finest moment, and you would be dead... because you are a moron.
23."You wouldn't understand.. its a pregnancy thing"
- Thanks? HahahahahAHHAHhaha
24."Just do IVF"
-Well when you give me 15 thousand dollars I'll just go make an appointment, thanks!
25."IVF is imoral"
Last time I checked, your not God... Thanks for your opinion.
26. "It's probably from when Sean was really sick and had a high fever."
- you can put that in google anytime and see thats incorrect.
27."God has a plan. Trust him."
I never doubted it. However, "God has a plan. Crap happens"... is true too.
28."Why are you even trying to have kids right now anyways?"
-How is that ANY of your business?
29." You pregnant yet?"
-Nope! Excuse me as I go cry in a corner.
30."It's just weird. No one else in our family has problems."
- Well thats comforting... not.
31."Are you sure you cycle?"
- Yea! I pee on the stick, and get blood tests. OH and I have a period.. so yea, Im sure
32. "I heard those medicines give you cancer!"
-Your voice gives me a headache
33."Well it must be nice knowing your not the problem."
-Nope... not really. Also, don't call my husband a problem. You are a problem.
34."Just use a donor!"
-Yea, you would think its just that simple...wouldn't you? Golly.....
35. "You can have mine"
- If I had a dollar for every time I heard that!
36. "Maybe you are just suppose to be a parental figure to the youth you work with"
- I do believe that. BUT I will have a family. One way or another. Why are you trying to take that away from me?
37. "Maybe you just need to spice up your love life?"
-Maybe you just need to go away :)
38."I know exactly how you feel..."
- Only person who knows exactly how I feel is Jesus, not you.
39."If you think fertility testing and treatment is expensive you should try having a baby!"
40."Its just the Doctors opinion...."
- Or results from multiple tests, but who am I to say that!?
WHAT CAN/SHOULD YOU SAY?
1. Im sorry
2. I love you
3. Im praying for you
4. I am willing to listen if you ever need to talk
Its pretty simple, haha. I don't think it's that we are overly sensitive (we are sensitive), but it's that we have heard the same things many times. It all get old- really fast!
There is only one person who can fix us, and it's not you, so please don't try.
I truly appreciate everyone who gives us support and love. Even when people say stupid stuff I know they care. I love that my friends involve me in their pregnancies and keep me up on their pursuit of motherhood. We all have a different road, but we can always find happiness in the moment!